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“Bad Teacher” could have been more outrageous
Positioning itself as the academic answer to “Bad Santa,” Jake Kasdan’s “Bad Teacher” threatens a schoolyard tussle but refuses to hit below the belt.
Read more on Reuters via Yahoo! News

Chapman BMW on Camelback Offers Navigation Credit on New 5-Series Models
Chapman BMW on Camelback announces an option credit program on all select 5-series models. For a limited time, the dealership offers a credit of up to $ 1,730 on 5-series already equipped with navigation (excludes 550i).
Read more on PRWeb via Yahoo! News

Charter Bus Company, America Bus Lines Offers Tour to Universal Studios and Disneyland
America Bus Lines is now offering its seasonal tour package to Universal Studios and Disneyland. These rates are affordable and clients are guaranteed to have a fun yet problem-free tour with their family and friends.
Read more on PRWeb via Yahoo! News

When Credit Cards Cover Rental Car Insurance
Think twice before paying extra for car insurance because you might already be covered.
Read more on US News & World Report

Disco dancing night raises more than ,000 for hospital’s radiation bunker
Saturday Night Fever turned into Sunday morning money after the Dancing with the Docs folks tallied the funds raised at last weekend’s event. More than $ 74,000 was raised for the Closer Campaign at Peterborough Regional Health Centre to help fund the hospital’s new radiation bunker.[...]
Read more on The Peterborough Examiner

Long range calendar
Arts/Classes
Read more on The Virginia Gazette

Weekend preview: Bieber, Festivus, Reckless Dames, Amy Schumer, more
‘Tis the season… The holiday music, the lights. The Grinch and the big guy with the beard. The shopping and the merriment. And, of course, the Feats of Strength and the aluminum pole. It’s all here this weekend.
Read more on Sun-Sentinel

Last weekend for holiday pet photos
LAKEVILLE — Vested Interest in K9s, Inc. took in over $ 5,600 over the last three weekends at their “Helping Paws for the Holidays Santa and Grinch photo” fundraiser, which runs through Sunday at the Pet Food Shoppe, Rte. 44. Proceeds will buy…
Read more on The Standard-Times

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A man is waiting for wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion. After 21 years, the son is old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar and tearfully tells the son he is proud of him.
Dad orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol. Swoooop! A torso pops out!
The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant “Take another drink”! The bartender still shakes his head in dismay.
Swoooop! Two arms pops out. The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant, “Take another drink”! The bartender ignores the whole affair. By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Swoooop! Two legs pop out.
The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left…. then to the right…. right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly.
The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says, “That boy should have quit while he was a head.”
=====================================
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really mad at him.
She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!”
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
======================================…
A guy hears a knocking on his door. He opens it up, and no one is there. He looks all around and he finally sees a little snail sitting on the doormat. He picks it up and throws it across the street into a field. Ten years goes by, and one day he hears a knocking on his door. He opens it up and no one is there. He looks all around and he finally sees the little snail sitting on the doormat. The snail says, “What was that all about?”
=================================
A young man comes home and says “Dad, just got my driver’s license and would like to use the family car.”
Father replies, :”O.K., son. But, first, you have to get good grades in school, keep your room clean, make the yard is neat, and cut your hair. Come back in a few months and then we’ll see.”
Well, several months pass and the young man comes into the house with his report card in his hand. “Dad, I got great marks on my report card. I’ve been keeping my room as neat as a pin, and the yard is always ship-shape. How about letting me use the car?”
Father replies, “That’s all true, but son you didn’t cut your hair.”
Son says, “But, dad, Jesus had long hair.”
Father replies, “Yes, son, you’re perfectly right. And he walked everywhere he went.”
======================================…
Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a
farmer for $100.00.
The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day he drove up and said, ‘Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.’
Chuck replied, ‘Well, then just give me my money back.’
The farmer said, ‘Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.’
Chuck said, ‘Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.’
The farmer asked, ‘What are you goanna do with him?
Chuck said, ‘I’m going to raffle him off.’
The farmer said, ‘You can’t raffle off a dead donkey!’
Chuck said, ‘Sure I can Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.’
A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, ‘What happened with
that dead donkey?’
Chuck said, ‘I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00.’
The farmer asked, ‘Didn’t anyone complain?’
Chuck said, ‘Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.’
======================================
HEY DOWN HERE!! okes like that….long….love them!=)

Dem’ smart city folk
A man from the city is out plowing his field and gets his tractor stuck in the wet ground.
A farmer driving by stops his truck and walks to the fence to call over the city feller. You need a mule to plow such wet ground he says.
“Where can I buy one?” he is asked.
Well, I just happened to have one for 100 dollars he says.
“I’ll take him,” says the other man as he counts out the money.
I can’t bring him over today. I don’t work on Sunday morrow OK?
“Sure.”
The next day the truck pulls up and the old farmer gets out. He says, “sorry, bad news.”
I went out after breakfeast and the mule was dead.
The city feller says just give me my money back then.
“Can’t, spent it already!”
“Well… unload the mule then.”
“What ya gonna do with him?”
“Raffle him off!”
“Naw, ya cant raffle off a dead mule!”
“Just watch me us! City fellers know a few tricks.”
One month goes by and the city feller and farmer run into each other at the barber shop.
“What did ya do with that dead mule?”
“Raffled him off, sold 100 tickets at two dollars each and made 98 dollars profit.”
“Didn’t anyone complain?”
“Just one guy so I gave him his two dollars back!”
—-
Visiting a rural farm
Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur were out driving in the country and accidentally hit and killed a pig that had wandered out on a country road. Limbaugh told the chauffeur to drive up to the farm and apologize to the farmer.
They drove up to the farm, the chauffeur got out and knocked on the front door and was let in. He was in there for what seemed like hours. When the chauffeur came out, Limbaugh was confused about why his driver had been in there so long.
“Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer, then his wife brought me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses.” explained the driver.
“What did you tell the farmer?” Limbaugh asked.
The chauffeur replied, “I told him I was Rush Limbaugh’s driver and I’d just killed the pig.
—–
Very hostile farmer
A farmer and his brand new bride were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled.
The farmer said, “That’s once.”
A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again.
The farmer said, “That’s twice.”
After a little, while the poor old horse stumbled again.
The farmer didn’t say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse.
His brand new bride yelled, telling him, “That was an awful thing to do.”
The farmer said, “That’s once.”
—–
Texan farmer travels
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large”.
Then they walk around the ranch a little and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, ” We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows”.
The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, “And what are those”?
The Aussie asks with an incredulous look, “Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas”?