Jeep Offers

THIS IS A LITTLE LONG SORRY
3 People in a Airplane-
Once there were 3 people in an airplane, one took a bite out of
an apple. She thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of
the plane. The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she
thought it was too sour so, she threw it out of the plane. Then
the last person took a bite out of a grenade and he thought it
was too crunchy so, he threw it out of the plane. Then they
landed and decided to go for a walk. They first passed a little
girl who was crying and they asked, “little girl, little girl,
why are you crying?” and the little girl said, “an apple came
down and killed my new kitty”. Next they passed a little boy
who
was also crying. And they again asked, “little boy, little boy,
why are you crying?” and the little boy said, “a lemon came
down
and killed my new puppy.” Then they passed a blonde sitting on
the side walk laughing her butt off. They asked, “why are you
laughing so hard?” and the blonde said, “I farted and the
building behind me blew up!!”
She was tired of everyone thinking that blondes were stupid, and she didn’t like all these jokes. To end the injustice, she decided to prove to the world that she was smart.
In order to prove herself, she chose to memorize the capital of every American state. It wasn’t an easy task, but she was determined and eventually managed to do it.
A few days later she was in a bar, and heard a couple of men laughing at a blonde joke. This was the perfect opportunity to start righting all the wrongs that had been done to blondes in the past – she would set these men straight!
Marching over at a rapid pace she announced,
“It isn’t true that all blondes are stupid, and I will prove it. Just ask me the capital of any American state, and I will tell you what it is.”
Although a little surprised, the men did challenge her and asked,
“Ok, how about Arizona?”
The Blonde, after pausing for a moments thought, proudly gave the answer, “A”!
Question: If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first?
Answer: The brunette – the blonde would have to stop for directions!
————————————–…
The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.
“Six please” she said, “I could never eat twelve!”
————————————–…
A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus stop, someone asked,
“Where did you get that?”
The pig replied,
“I won her in a raffle!”
————————————–…
A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.
Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.
She showed him the instructions on the tin,
“For best results, put on two coats”.
————————————–…
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.
First Blonde:
“I can’t seem to get this door unlocked!
Second Blonde:
Well you better hurry up. It’s starting to rain and the top is down!
————————————–…
Three blondes were walking through a field when they came across a set of tracks.
The first blonde looked down at the tracks and said,
“I think they could be bird tracks.”
The second blonde went to look and said,
“No, I think these are deer tracks.”
They stepped aside and the third blonde went over to the tracks. She looked down, then got run over by the train!
————————————–…
A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied,
“You know, it’s the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer.”
————————————–…
A blonde was driving down the road listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard blonde joke after blonde joke. A little way down the road, she saw another blonde out in a field rowing a boat. The blonde stopped her car and angrily jumped out yelling,
“You dumb blonde bimbo! It’s blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim I’d come out there and give you what’s coming to you!”
————————————–…
A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O’cl

THIS IS A LITTLE LONG SORRY!!! IF U HAVE ANY JOKES PLX TYPE THEM OR GIVE ME A LINK WHERE I CAN FIND THEM.
Question: If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first?
Answer: The brunette – the blonde would have to stop for directions!
————————————–…
The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.
“Six please” she said, “I could never eat twelve!”
————————————–…
A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus stop, someone asked,
“Where did you get that?”
The pig replied,
“I won her in a raffle!”
————————————–…
A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.
Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.
She showed him the instructions on the tin,
“For best results, put on two coats”.
————————————–…
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.
First Blonde:
“I can’t seem to get this door unlocked!
Second Blonde:
Well you better hurry up. It’s starting to rain and the top is down!
————————————–…
Three blondes were walking through a field when they came across a set of tracks.
The first blonde looked down at the tracks and said,
“I think they could be bird tracks.”
The second blonde went to look and said,
“No, I think these are deer tracks.”
They stepped aside and the third blonde went over to the tracks. She looked down, then got run over by the train!
————————————–…
A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied,
“You know, it’s the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer.”
————————————–…
A blonde was driving down the road listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard blonde joke after blonde joke. A little way down the road, she saw another blonde out in a field rowing a boat. The blonde stopped her car and angrily jumped out yelling,
“You dumb blonde bimbo! It’s blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim I’d come out there and give you what’s coming to you!”
————————————–…
A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O’clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn’t jump.
Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said,
“I can’t take this, you’re my friend.”
But the blonde insisted saying,
“No. A bet’s a bet.”
Then the redhead said
“Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O’clock news, so I can’t take your money.”
The blonde replied
“Well, so did I, but I didn’t think he would jump again!”
————————————–…
A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette.
When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,
“Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!”
She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,
“If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?”
The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.
The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, “157.”
The farmer was amazed – she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.
Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.
“If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?”
One blonde can make a difference! At least that is what the blonde in this joke thought.
She was tired of everyone thinking that blondes were stupid, and she didn’t like all these jokes. To end the injustice, she decided to prove to the world that she was smart.
In order to prove herself, she chose to memorize the capital of every American state. It wasn’t an easy task, but she was determined and eventually managed to do it.
A few days later she was in a bar, and

A young guy was complaining to his Boss about the problems he was having with his stubborn girlfriend.
“She gets me so angry sometimes I could hit her, the young man exclaimed.”
“Well, I’ll tell you what I used to do with my wife” replied the Boss. “Whenever she got out of hand I’d take her pants down and spank her”.
Shaking his head the young guy replied “I’ve tried that… it doesn’t work for me. Once I get her pants down I’m not mad anymore.”
There’s an old couple, both in their 70′s, on a sentimental holiday back to the place where they first met. They’re sitting in a pub and he says to her, “Do you remember the first time we had s*x together over fifty years ago? We went behind the barn. You leaned against the fence and I made l*ve to you from behind.”
“Yes, she says, I remember it well.” she replies.
“OK, he says, How about taking a stroll round there again and we can do it for old times sake?”
Smiling his wife responds, “Oh Henry, you devil, that sounds like a good idea, she answers.”
There’s a man sitting at the next table listening to all this, having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, I’ve got to see this, two old timers having s*x against a fence. So he follows them.
They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the barn and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt, takes her kn**kers down and the old man drops his trousers. She turns around and hangs on to the fence and the old man moves in. Suddenly they erupt into the most furious s*x the watching man has ever seen. They are bucking and jumping like eighteen-year-olds. This goes on for about forty minutes. She’s yelling Ohhh God! He’s hanging on to her hips for dear life.
This is the most athletic s*x imaginable. Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground. The guy watching is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn’t know. He starts to think about his own aged parents and wonders whether they still have s*x like this.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The guy, still watching thinks, That was truly amazing, he was going like a train. I’ve got to ask him what his secret is.
As the couple pass, the guy says to them, “That was something else, you must have been sh**ging for about forty minutes. How do you manage it? Is there some sort of secret?”
“No, there’s no secret, the old man says, except fifty years ago that f**king fence wasn’t electrified.”
Every year at the state fair Paul entered the lottery for the brand new truck and lost. This year, he told his friend David, he wasn’t going to bother and enter.
“What kind of attitude is that?” David asked. He leaned closer and whispered, “What you need, pal, is faith. Look around and see if the good Lord sends you a message.”
Strolling around the fair, Paul grew more and more despondent as the drawing neared. Nothing struck him, no divine inspiration, no sign from God.
Finally, while he was passing old Mrs. Kelleher’s pie stand, he glanced over and saw the woman bending down. She wasn’t wearing any panties, and suddenly her a*s began to glow. Suddenly a finger of flame came from the skies and without her even knowing it, used her a*s as a table. The fiery finger etched a seven on each cheek.
Thanking God, Paul rushed to the raffle booth and played the number 77.
A few minutes later, the drawing was held. And once again, Paul lost. The winning number was 707.
Mike walks into a bar and sees Pat sitting at the end of the bar with a great big smile on his face. Mike says, “Pat, what are you so happy for?”
“Well Mike, I gotta tell ya… Yesterday I was out waxin’ my boat, just waxin’ my boat, and a redhead came up to me.. t*ts out to here, Mike. T*ts out to here! She says, ‘Can I have a ride in your boat?’
I said ‘Sure you can have a ride in my boat.’ So I took her way out, Mike. I turned off the key and I said ‘It’s either scr*w or swim!’ She couldn’t swim, Mike. She couldn’t swim!”
The next day Mike walks into a bar and sees Pat sitting at the end of the bar with a even bigger smile on his face. Mike says, “What are you happy about today Pat?”
“Well Mike…. I gotta tell ya… Yesterday I was out waxin’ my boat, just waxin’ my boat and a BEAUTIFUL blond came up to me…t*ts out to here, Mike. T*ts out to here! She said ‘Can I have a ride in your boat?’
I told her ‘Sure you can have a ride in my boat.’ So I took her way out, Mike. Way out much further than the last one. I turned off the key and I said, ‘It’s either scr*w or swim!’ She couldn’t swim, Mike! She couldn’t swim!”
A couple days pass and Mike walks into a bar and sees Pat down there cryin’
over a beer. Mike says, “Pat, what are you so sad for?”
“Well Mike, I gotta tell ya…. Yesterday I was out waxin’ my boat, just
waxin’ my bo

A young guy was complaining to his Boss about the problems he was having with his stubborn girlfriend.
“She gets me so angry sometimes I could hit her, the young man exclaimed.”
“Well, I’ll tell you what I used to do with my wife” replied the Boss. “Whenever she got out of hand I’d take her pants down and spank her”.
Shaking his head the young guy replied “I’ve tried that… it doesn’t work for me. Once I get her pants down I’m not mad anymore.”
There’s an old couple, both in their 70′s, on a sentimental holiday back to the place where they first met. They’re sitting in a pub and he says to her, “Do you remember the first time we had s*x together over fifty years ago? We went behind the barn. You leaned against the fence and I made l*ve to you from behind.”
“Yes, she says, I remember it well.” she replies.
“OK, he says, How about taking a stroll round there again and we can do it for old times sake?”
Smiling his wife responds, “Oh Henry, you devil, that sounds like a good idea, she answers.”
There’s a man sitting at the next table listening to all this, having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, I’ve got to see this, two old timers having s*x against a fence. So he follows them.
They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the barn and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt, takes her kn**kers down and the old man drops his trousers. She turns around and hangs on to the fence and the old man moves in. Suddenly they erupt into the most furious s*x the watching man has ever seen. They are bucking and jumping like eighteen-year-olds. This goes on for about forty minutes. She’s yelling Ohhh God! He’s hanging on to her hips for dear life.
This is the most athletic s*x imaginable. Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground. The guy watching is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn’t know. He starts to think about his own aged parents and wonders whether they still have s*x like this.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The guy, still watching thinks, That was truly amazing, he was going like a train. I’ve got to ask him what his secret is.
As the couple pass, the guy says to them, “That was something else, you must have been sh**ging for about forty minutes. How do you manage it? Is there some sort of secret?”
“No, there’s no secret, the old man says, except fifty years ago that f**king fence wasn’t electrified.”
Every year at the state fair Paul entered the lottery for the brand new truck and lost. This year, he told his friend David, he wasn’t going to bother and enter.
“What kind of attitude is that?” David asked. He leaned closer and whispered, “What you need, pal, is faith. Look around and see if the good Lord sends you a message.”
Strolling around the fair, Paul grew more and more despondent as the drawing neared. Nothing struck him, no divine inspiration, no sign from God.
Finally, while he was passing old Mrs. Kelleher’s pie stand, he glanced over and saw the woman bending down. She wasn’t wearing any panties, and suddenly her a*s began to glow. Suddenly a finger of flame came from the skies and without her even knowing it, used her a*s as a table. The fiery finger etched a seven on each cheek.
Thanking God, Paul rushed to the raffle booth and played the number 77.
A few minutes later, the drawing was held. And once again, Paul lost. The winning number was 707.
Mike walks into a bar and sees Pat sitting at the end of the bar with a great big smile on his face. Mike says, “Pat, what are you so happy for?”
“Well Mike, I gotta tell ya… Yesterday I was out waxin’ my boat, just waxin’ my boat, and a redhead came up to me.. t*ts out to here, Mike. T*ts out to here! She says, ‘Can I have a ride in your boat?’
I said ‘Sure you can have a ride in my boat.’ So I took her way out, Mike. I turned off the key and I said ‘It’s either scr*w or swim!’ She couldn’t swim, Mike. She couldn’t swim!”
The next day Mike walks into a bar and sees Pat sitting at the end of the bar with a even bigger smile on his face. Mike says, “What are you happy about today Pat?”
“Well Mike…. I gotta tell ya… Yesterday I was out waxin’ my boat, just waxin’ my boat and a BEAUTIFUL blond came up to me…t*ts out to here, Mike. T*ts out to here! She said ‘Can I have a ride in your boat?’
I told her ‘Sure you can have a ride in my boat.’ So I took her way out, Mike. Way out much further than the last one. I turned off the key and I said, ‘It’s either scr*w or swim!’ She couldn’t swim, Mike! She couldn’t swim!”
A couple days pass and Mike walks into a bar and sees Pat down there cryin’
over a beer. Mike says, “Pat, what are you so sad for?”
“Well Mike, I gotta tell ya…. Yesterday I was out waxin’ my boat, just
waxin’ my bo

Fiance’ owns his own DJ company and we do parties together. (He used to work in a bar- I never went there.) In the past, he has said things to a big busted woman coming up to the DJ booth- hey beautiful what can I play for YOU? Which I thought was inappropriate- plus I was standing right next to him- and he had no idea why I was less than happy. He mostly acts flirty- and swears it is for “the job.”
He is very jealous of me- and asks what guys want- if he sees- that come up to the booth. He also has had issues- 2 yrs ago- with infidelity.
Well- I am 3 mos pregnant- and we did a party the other night. He is typically touchy feely with the women and belly up at the bar- while I am at the DJ booth all night. He is chatting it up with people- and talking it up on the microphone. (Most of the time I don’t even know where he is- this is typical.) At one point- he says on the mic- “I have my eyes on you ladies.” Then after this young woman won the 50/50 raffle he says “oh- you’re coming home with the DJ tonight.”
He was telling em today how awesome the party went. And I mentioned it to him that I really feel he acts like a single person and I would never treat him like that. He denied it- I don’t even think he remembers- because he drank so much and I drove the truck home. His teenage son was also there. Anyhow- I told him I did not make it up- and was hoping he would apologize. NOT.
Would this tick you off or am I hormonal? Thanks.