More Farmer Jokes To Tickle Your Funny Bone. Lol?
Dem’ smart city folk
A man from the city is out plowing his field and gets his tractor stuck in the wet ground.
A farmer driving by stops his truck and walks to the fence to call over the city feller. You need a mule to plow such wet ground he says.
“Where can I buy one?” he is asked.
Well, I just happened to have one for 100 dollars he says.
“I’ll take him,” says the other man as he counts out the money.
I can’t bring him over today. I don’t work on Sunday morrow OK?
“Sure.”
The next day the truck pulls up and the old farmer gets out. He says, “sorry, bad news.”
I went out after breakfeast and the mule was dead.
The city feller says just give me my money back then.
“Can’t, spent it already!”
“Well… unload the mule then.”
“What ya gonna do with him?”
“Raffle
“Naw, ya cant raffle off a dead mule!”
“Just watch me us! City fellers know a few tricks.”
One month goes by and the city feller and farmer run into each other at the barber shop.
“What did ya do with that dead mule?”
“Raffled him off, sold 100 tickets at two dollars each and made 98 dollars profit.”
“Didn’t anyone complain?”
“Just one guy so I gave him his two dollars back!”
—-
Visiting a rural farm
Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur were out driving in the country and accidentally hit and killed a pig that had wandered out on a country road. Limbaugh told the chauffeur to drive up to the farm and apologize to the farmer.
They drove up to the farm, the chauffeur got out and knocked on the front door and was let in. He was in there for what seemed like hours. When the chauffeur came out, Limbaugh was confused about why his driver had been in there so long.
“Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer, then his wife brought me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses.” explained the driver.
“What did you tell the farmer?” Limbaugh asked.
The chauffeur replied, “I told him I was Rush Limbaugh’s driver and I’d just killed the pig.
—–
Very hostile farmer
A farmer and his brand new bride were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled.
The farmer said, “That’s once.”
A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again.
The farmer said, “That’s twice.”
After a little, while the poor old horse stumbled again.
The farmer didn’t say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse.
His brand new bride yelled, telling him, “That was an awful thing to do.”
The farmer said, “That’s once.”
—–
Texan farmer travels
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large”.
Then they walk around the ranch a little and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, ” We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows”.
The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, “And what are those”?
The Aussie asks with an incredulous look, “Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas”?
December 10th, 2009 at 2:17 am
LOL!! Too funny!! Thanks!
December 10th, 2009 at 2:36 am
lol
December 10th, 2009 at 2:39 am
very good – esp the 1st one.
what do you think of this one ??
My Favorite Mule Bessie
Clyde, a farmer in Alabama, decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court.
In court the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde.
‘Didn’t you say at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine?” asked the lawyer.
Clyde responded, ‘Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the…’
‘I didn’t ask for any details,’ the lawyer interrupted, ‘just answer the question. Did you or did you not say ‘I’m fine’ at the scene of the accident?’
Clyde said, ‘Well, yes, but I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road…’
The lawyer interrupted again and said, ‘Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.’
By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde’s answer and said to the lawyer, ‘I’d like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie.’
Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded, ‘Well, like I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real real bad and didn’t want to move, it hurt so much. Everytime I did, I hollered in pain. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible bad shape just by her groans.
‘About that time a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning something fierce, so he went over to her.
‘After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.
‘Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me and said,
‘And, how are you feeling?”